WHAT I HAVE ARE A PARTICULAR SET OF SKILLS

I entered the workplace at a young age – my first job had few requirements and a stipend of Milky Way bars and Bazooka bubble gum. Observing managerial styles, the secretarial pool or the need to make it up as I went along offered up a variety of skill-sets, experience and useful know-how. All gained throughout my youth.

Imagine all the things I coulda been!

“accountant”

While seated across the desk from my very charismatic boss, I was unable to hide my enthusiasm for the project at hand. The proprietor my daddy of the Real Estate Firm had directed me to add up a whole bunch of numbers on his nifty adding machine. How I enjoyed the tic-tic-tic of the keys being pressed, the shugga-shugga-shug of the lever being pulled and the chi-chi-chi as the total was being printed from a small roll of paper.

The head of the whole shebang my handsome daddy thought my work to be quite thorough and accurate. And according to the recommendation letter flaunted above he thought me responsible and with a winsome personality.

I idolized his secretary, Sondra, as I thought she resembled Gidget, and I would use that name as my alias whenever the opportunity arose. It was my first job and yes I was paid in candy.

“childcare professional”

My winsome personality was about to take me far… across the street and down the block. As a babysitter, my duties were to play with the children, offer them a snack and attempt to get them to bed before their parents arrived home. That “career” began at the ripe old age of eleven and as my previous boss alluded to… I was very responsible.

My most highly sought after qualification was likely my ability to verify that the boogie man had not crawled through an open window. Being on high alert for any strange sounds coming from the basement I would bravely tiptoe down those steps, taking care to secure the area by making encouraging my young protégé to lead the way. Several steps ahead of me.

Furthermore I received compensation for my efforts and access to their drawers and cabinets filled with munchies.

“outdoor adventure leader”

I loved my summers at Southside Day Camp. LOVED. Capture the Flag, singing on the bus, the CUTE COUNSELORS!! To this day, it’s not unusual for an impromptu singalong to occur when I am with my cousin Jill… ‘dem bones gonna rise again… I wanna go back to Southside Camp in old Chicago town.

It seemed only natural that I would pursue that line of work when I qualified to be a leader of sorts.

Since I moved the summer I came of counselor age, I had to take on that role at a different camp. I was a little bummed. Buuutttt… then I secured the SONG LEADER position on the bus and taught those tykes a few ditties from my past. All with appropriate hand choreography while singing at the top of my lungs:

“breast stroke, side stroke, fancy diving too…”

“in a cabin in the woods, little man by the window stood…”

“Under my lollipop, lollipop, lollipop, lolli, lolli, lollipop tree…”

“merchandiser”

Moving up in the workforce, I scored a more consistent gig as a wage earning sales associate at Marshall Field’s Department Store. In the basement. Budget Linens. The officially classified “seconds” were folded and refolded in between the free-for-all flinging by our delightful customers.

Jockeying for position, these ladies played tug-of-war while clenching bath towels, snatching pillow cases and brawling over tablecloths. It was a battlefield. And not a workday went by without someone complaining that something was amiss on a Fieldcrest Imperial Collection avocado colored hand towel. That’s why they are called SECONDS!

In any case, the skills I developed all the way back to my first job (and my bid to always be the banker when playing Monopoly) came in real handy – as  I was a champ when it came to cash transactions and calculating the amount of change in return.

During breaks, I would meet up with my friend from Ladies Foundations and we would saunter past the girls working Junior Tempo… daring them to take note of us. That job took me all the way through high school.

“sales representative”

Shopping with a percentage off, I frittered away all my hard-earned money during the summer I worked at Ups and Downs; a clothing store. I should have had a clue it was going to be more downs than ups when the manager flung a rather hefty and unabbreviated rules of conduct at me.

The standards of behavior toward each customer included swooping in within 5 seconds (yes they timed you), immediately making three flattering remarks about their appearance and then following them around with never-ending inquiries.

While we were pushed to pester the customers, the higher-ups would be right behind us prodding and harassing to keep at it. And if the shopper made it to the dressing room we were to exclaim that everything looked amazing on them. I always wanted to whisper, “I’m so sorry, but they are making me do this. And that outfit? It is horrendous….”

“master teacher”

I ixnayed any thoughts of retail clothing the summer between sophomore and junior year of college – instead returning to a previous pursuit as a counselor. Being head of the dance program at a JCC arts camp was certainly more in line with my career hankerings.

Since most of the kids had little to no dance experience, I created a program that offered a taste of ballet, a bit of jazz and a bunch of modern using concepts borrowed from my current college dance program. Those kids should have received college credit.

And until one precocious child let me know her favorite dancer was prima ballerina Natalia Makarova and inquired as to when we were gonna to work more on technique –  I could get away with teaching them anything.

For Parent Day the littlest ones presented a ballet barre demonstration and routine as blossoming flowers, the tweens presented a jazz dance choreographed to “Bad, Bad Leroy Brown” along with an inspired modern piece to some poem I had written (and narrated) where I ingeniously turned off the lights in the room when I spoke about darkness.

I wanna go back to Southside camp…

“office administrator”

My attempt to learn shorthand was a failure but I passed the typing test when I registered with a temp agency. Although they promised me a variety of jobs, it turned out that collating was the only thing they actually thought I was qualified for. And stapling.

In between those exciting temp jobs I was support staff at my boyfriend’s family business. Sometimes I acted as receptionist – other times filing invoices – but mostly I transcribed his mom’s notes about unique, distinct, personal information regarding clients onto notecards. Things like: Robert has two daughters/one son – Jane takes ballet, John is adjusting to first year of college. Billy is getting married. Robert is divorced – current girlfriend (Susie Debbie Lauren Barb).

When I wasn’t answering phones, filing or peering into the lives of strangers – I was getting an Italian beef sandwich, fries and a milkshake with my boyfriend.

Although the majority of my career as an adult took place within the realm of showbiz, looking at that long drawn out summary above makes me realize all of my potentiality in a number of fields.

By the same token, the following examples, though only avocations (where neither bonbons nor cash exchanged hands), supplied further life’s work contenders.

Playing school… a scholar.

Arguing with my parents… a lawyer.

Playing hide and seek… a detective.

What’s more, playing “doctor” could have led me toward a career in medicine!

Oh what could have been…