WHOLLY MOLY MATRIMONY

No lace, zero doodads, no shiny doohickeys, not a single pouf… Simple, simple, SIMPLE. That is what I announced as I headed into David’s Bridal along with my wedding frock wing-woman. My mom. The sales lady tried to keep her irritation hidden, but I could see what she was thinking, “you have got to be kidding”.

It was 1978 – not quite the 80’s. But still.

Without much enthusiasm she offered a dress that came damn close. An off the shoulder, silky number with just a smidge of lacy adornment. But the “lady” wasn’t having it.

Dead set on putting forth other options, out came the mermaids and trumpets and ball gowns. My mom and I almost had an accident when I modeled the southern-style gown accessorized by a parasol.

After hitting two more bridal shops (and more mermaids, trumpets and ball gowns) we returned to the scene of the first try-on and said, “I do”, to the nearly lace-less, zero doodads, no shiny doohickeys, not a pouf in sight dress.

Total moolah forked over? $80 for the dress, $12 for the hat… $92 + tax for my ceremonial garb.

You are thinking – surely the bridesmaid dresses must have set those girls back a pretty penny. That being a possibility, my mom and sister-in-law whipped up those dusty rose, off-the-shoulder, tea length goodies for next to nothing. Shoes from Baker’s. Done.

I wanted to get married in a forest but my parents convinced me otherwise… rain. And just like the dress (devoid of embellishment) the floral situation had one or two requirements.

Breaking the news to the florist that only greenery was necessary – potted, trailing plants lining the aisle and leafage on the chuppah – I recognized that look of annoyance. He pleaded with me to include some blossoms. I humored him by consenting to a sprinkling of blooms. White only.

Bridezilla you say? I say that was some economical savvy and thrifty know-how. Remember I wanted to get married in a forest.

Having seen episodes of Yes to the Dress I am somewhat aware of sticker prices associated with weddings. But with daughters at an age where their friends are starting to get married, it’s more like sticker price shock. Particularly when one is obliged honored to be part of the wedding party.

Both of my children have stated that no-way-no-how are they going to spend all of their our hard earned money when/if they marry. And if that doesn’t change… we have unofficially won the lottery.

One daughter is planning for a courthouse wedding and BBQ in an accommodating friend’s backyard. She intends to text people: I’m getting married next week – come if you want – come as you are. Her Pinterest inspiration board created several years ago would say otherwise, but these days… Pinterest be damned!

My other child is also eagerly offering the BBQ option, with one caveat… a potluck. Hahahahahaha – a potluck wedding!!!So funny! 😂 But she was serious.😳 Although it’s her wedding and she can do whatever she wants, I have loudly discouraged the potluck situation. NO WAY – I’ll pony up for the food!

Mind you, this is the same daughter who in the midst of Bar and Bat Mitzvah celebrations tried to convince us that she really wanted to be a Bat Mitzvah for religious reasons and not just for the party. We did not fall for that.

With wedding bells ringing all over the internet I have observed numerous headlines with some commonality. Headers stating: “Wedding Planning is Making Me Depressed”, “Your Wedding, My Burden” and “I Don’t Want a Wedding Anymore”. Between the dress, the pro hair & makeup, the gifts, the shoes – and the bachelorette parties and vows going down as destination situations. Holy Matrimony Batman!

As a result of ever-escalating expenses for the bride, let alone the wedding party, I have to think that some people have lost their damn minds. It’s. Just. One. Day.

Where does one draw the line?

Sooooo happy to have tied the knot back in 1978 … six months in the making (most stressful thing was securing a Rabbi that would marry me and my non-Jewish guy). Bachelorette parties were not a thing, had a daytime ceremony and reception (that helped stretch the dollar), 100-ish guests, we did our own hair & makeup, dear friends sang (cost effective: like free), splurged on a band… cause gotta dance …and don’t forget the $80+tax gown (bragging rights). No Pinterest, no social media. Low pressure. PHEW.

Look, however much one spends on “their day” is nobody’s business. And let it be known… I think weddings are wonderful occasions; whether laid-back, splashy, rustic, whimsical or garden variety. Celebrating the couple is a beautiful thing. I naturally tear up and, if provided, will gladly tear up the dance floor.

And unlike my understated version I do appreciate dazzling, jaw-dropping gowns. And the breathtaking venues. And the flowers aplenty. Good thing I got hitched back when I had ‘easier on the pocketbook’ taste.

Ultimately, I am of the opinion that savvy wedding bloggers, as well as Miss Manners (under the tenets of wedding decorum, etiquette and social graces), would wholly approve of my daughters’ BBQ concept… were it not for the potluck point of contention.

Consequently, the offer (plus kicking in for beverages) still stands dear daughter.

And my husband might be the one flipping burgers! Oy. Wait for the text… 😉

~chart image via Bridal Guide

~wedding pics: author’s personal collection