(okay, OK…MY mind needs to know)
I one hundred per cent believed in the Easter Bunny.
With that in mind, I came to expect that a basketful of goodies would be left on the hearth of our fireplace come Easter Sunday. According to me, the EB evidently entered ones home by way of the chimney. However, I am a Jew… we didn’t celebrate Easter nor did a single Christmas tree or strand of tinsel make it over our threshold or past our mezuzah.
In spite of that, the Easter Bunny ho-ho-ho-ed into my life. The fact that candy would appear carried a great deal of weight in my creative hunch. But I haven’t a clue as to how or why I surmised that a bunny would be hippity-hopping fireside.
Adding to the confusion, my darling parents clearly took part in the charade (the basket, the marshmallow chicks, the chocolates). Yes indeedy I was a bit mixed up, but apparently quite a resourceful child (again … candy).
Do you have any ‘got it confused’ theories? Pretty please comment at the end!
Some people just know their whereabouts.
On the other hand, I happen to have a horrible sense of direction. And if I am outside of my city (where helpfully I’ve memorized that east is toward the lake) my ability to distinguish east-from-west-from-north-from-south is even worse than knowing my left from my right (which is a whole other issue).
Ending up somewhere completely opposite of where I was meant to be is not unheard of. Let it be known that I can differentiate a left from a right turn when driving a vehicle … but N, S, E, W?? Fuhgeddaboudit.
Calling my directionally un-challenged husband in a panic when I hadn’t a clue where I was he gingerly asked me, “what direction are you heading?” What direction??!! Are you kidding me!!?? Next he inquired about the location of the sun. I panicked.
As you can imagine – GPS is my homie. 😉
Was there a time you ended up there when you were supposed to be here? Do tell.
What has happened to subtlety?
Unembellished, unexaggerated, unpretentious.
I appreciate the virtuosity, dexterity and amazing articulation of what bodies and vocal cords are capable of (‘how do they do that?’). Yet I often miss simple, quiet and understated efforts characteristic of dancing behind the music, unfussy vocalizations, hanging back, taking one’s time, tempered, discriminating… nuanced.
Cringing at the sight of that dreadful, lopsided leg lift and tilt highlighting ones crotch… I want to punch somebody (not exactly subtle, I know). Why on earth did someone think that move needed to be inserted in every televised dance routine? Showy? I suppose. UG-GLY? Oh hell yes! Also, it cannot be denied that belting out a song can be most impressive, but it’s lost on me when it more closely resembles a screechy, shrieky aural assault while modulating and zigzagging every which way along the musical scale.
To be fair, I HIGHLY endorse take-your-breath-away excitement and theatricality… hey I’m not yearning for dull and uninspiring. Up the ante, of course, but can we not make a production out of every single moment? Am I an old fart or spot-on? You can lay it on me.
My cats don’t stink.
At no time have they released even the tiniest bit of stench. They have yet to bathe or shower or so much as have a simple wipe-down. They smell like perfume.
Throughout my 42+ years of marriage we’ve had Charly, Fluffy, Lulu and Betsy… all of them fragrant and freshly scented … although none scrubbed, sponged or cleansed.
Does your precious pet smell to high heaven OR emit a sweet-smelling delightful aroma – like my charming critters?
How come I’ve never seen nor stepped upon squirrel poop?
Those frisky creatures scramble up and down and all around me … yet, no visible doo-doo. Are they just private about doing their “business” or polite in cleaning up after themselves?
And where are those squirrel parents’ bundles of joy? I have yet to lay my eyes on those bushy-tailed babies.
You have? Proof please.
When did we decide that using the word “pee” was better than “tinkle”?
It cannot be denied that tinkle is soooo much cuter and waaaay more fun to say. *Tinkle*. See what I mean?
When my kids were little I do remember taking time to consider how I would refer to these bodily outpourings. Having grown up with ‘doody and tinkle’, I spinelessly jumped on the trending ‘poop and pee’. And although I am still on team poop, I’m going to start a tinkle campaign.
Who’s with me?
A quick recap:
>what about that bunny situation?
>do you actually know where you are?
>are you partial to subtle or splashy?
>are yours stinky or sublime?
>where is the evidence?
and finally >are you joining my piddle pledge?
A penny for your thoughts … I’ll Venmo you!
~ image via Pinterest
HI Karen,
Never thought about squirrel poop before. I read that they actually remove any new baby poop/tinkle away from the nests so predators can’t find the new babies.(the smell). I’m sure if they were your pets there would be no smell at all or just a pleasant sweet smelling aroma! love you.
So very funny, Kar. But I’m a little bit upset that you used my picture on the header without my permission.
Love,
Gladys Kravitz
Lu, I mean Gladys, you are funny… and apparently very nosey!! Now I know where to go for info about my neighbors. xoxo
Karen, I think your childhood belief in the Easter Bunny and deriving joy from finding and snarfing the basket of goodies he (or she?–perhaps Esther the Bunny?– yet another story!) left for you is delightful. That your folks perpetuated the myth is delightful, too, imho. They no doubt greatly enjoyed witnessing your excitement, and maybe also didn’t want you to feel left out. After all, we live in a primarily Christian country, and the EB is practically synonymous with the Easter holiday. I think it was natural for you to think the EB arrived via the chimney (we’re all heavily… Read more »
Rosie, thank you for all that wonderful insight. What a wonderfully written response and due way more than a Venmo-ed penny. I love all the interweaving of religions… we even have a priest at our annual Seder table. Yes to infusing joy and I am awaiting an invite to Dr. Charlie’s summer home. xoxo
KFJ, you slay me!!!!!!! “Got it confused”, yup. That thing in the bathroom that I swore was a foot wash (my dad said)? Nope, it’s a bidet… or is it? Squirrel “poop”? Has me tinkling in my panties. Never thought about it, but what the hell. Where does it go? hopefully not in their cheeks. Give me a Fosse finger twirl instead of 5 pirouettes and a crotch shot any day. And finally, how do I get to my bedroom? Thank you for making me laugh, thank you for making me ponder everyday things with fresh eyes, thank you for… Read more »
JBK – I definitely thought that was a foot wash!! Yes Fosse. As far as those pirouettes… these days I’m happy if I get around one time. And hopefully you find your way to the bedroom. Thank you for always encouraging your nutty friend. Love you xoxo
Krazy K, your meanderings are always amusing and so, well, YOU! As I am sitting in a hotel room with nothing to do, I have pondered the Great Questions, yours included: Bunnies…hmmm, I must confess that as a young’n I never entertained the notion of bunnies leaping down the chimney bearing baskets of candy in their bunny lips. Possibly because we didn’t have a fireplace, but more probably because I was too focused on the candy. He could have actually knocked on the door and presented it directly to me, and still that wouldn’t have elicited a query about Bunnies… Read more »
Marvelous M, first of all I am delighted to have been included in the same sentence as the Great Questions, although I take issue with the fact that you call me ‘Krazy’… kind – hopefully, keen – sure, knockout – duh. You are the clear winner of that penny for your thoughts, cause those are some keenly crafted (you need to elaborate on that sand dune situation), kindly complimentary (you said I was amusing!) and we both know that Kooky means knockout in that other language. And I can safely say the phrase “siphon the python” will never pass my… Read more »