I am sounding off.

Now, I must preface this little rant by letting it be known that I thoroughly enjoy engaging in a back-and-forth tête-à-tête, a lively gabfest, or even a friendly discourse. My auditory range is quite all-embracing. MOSTLY.

F’rinstance – music. I am all ears, feeling it resonate down to my bones. I love to crank up the volume while cleaning my house and lip-syncing in the car.

In dance class, it pulsates, blasts, zings, and undulates – loud and proud. It’s invigorating!

Nevertheless, it’s the contrast between the source of pleasure in listening and the challenges posed by the intensity with which sound reaches my ears that can sometimes leave me feeling a bit overtaxed.

ASKING FOR A FRIEND

Do your ear canals get a real workout? Is it a constant dance between “Say what?” and “Make it stop!”? In my case, it often turns into a frantic “I CAN’T HEAR YOU WITHOUT MY GLASSES ON!”

Do you lean in, straining to catch every word, or are you contorting into a backbend just to escape the noise?

For me, my sensitive listening organs are pushed to their limits when faced with the over-OR-under-whelming volume of some conversations. It’s a challenge, to say the least!

Check out the following and see if you can relate.

CASE IN POINT

Delighted to have secured a coveted reservation at a charming new restaurant, we stepped inside and were ushered to a cozy booth that promised an intimate dining experience. However, as we settled in, the atmosphere quickly shifted.

The relentless reverberation of high-frequency music was now blaring at an earsplitting volume. It was nearly impossible to hear myself, let alone my hubby seated just across the table.

Even just a moment of silence would have been a delightful reprieve from what I can only call noise pollution.

Please make it stop.

Why in the world do restaurants do this? Can they not find a balance between ambiance and auditory well-being?

I mean, does this make the food taste better? I said, “DOES. THIS. MAKE. THE. FOOD. TASTE. BETTER?”

FACE TO FACE

Why, oh why are you yelling when standing right in front of me? We’re barely a foot apart – or mere inches away if you happen to be a closetalker!

Seriously, you’re within spitting distance, my friend. I find myself battling to stay upright, all while trying to avoid the painfully obvious lean-away from the source of the sound. Yours!

I CAN HEAR YOU. So howzabout dialing it down a notch?

READ THE ROOM (bus, train, plane)

Let’s talk about the times we find ourselves crammed into those fast-moving machines, where conversations seem to erupt at FULL VOLUME – whether reciprocated or one-sided.

You there, on your phone. Yeah you. Read the room.

With all due respect, I really don’t need to hear about your medical diagnoses. I’m left wondering if I’ve caught whatever you have – thanks a bunch for that!

And do I truly need to listen to your tales of recent vacations, your love for cars, political rants, stories about your kids, your golf game, your grand plans to solve the traffic problem, or your frustrating attempts to reach your destination?

Oh, and shame on you for amplifying nasty rumors or fanning the flames regarding a notorious scandal?

Hmm, scandal? Maaaaybe.

I HEARD you, I didn’t want to hear you, I couldn’t hear you, I needed to hear you.

In the end, did I gain any valuable insights? I did not. Oh wait –  now I know that most golf balls have 336 dimples. What a revelation!

GETTING AN EARFUL

Working in an office offers all sorts of yakking and blathering and eavesdropping. All within earshot.

If you’ve ever found yourself in a cubicle or seated near someone in their own office, you know exactly what I mean.

Picture this: I’m at my desk, focused on my tasks, and you’re at yours, presumably doing the same. We are working. Then the one-sided conversation begins. AT FULL VOLUME.

It seems your eagerness to share your witticisms far outweighs the wish to preserve the sanctity of privacy. I am left to navigate the cacophony of unsolicited dialogue while trying to maintain my concentration.

Did you forget that your office door has a shut option? Have you ever heard of HIPAA?

“Shutupshutupshutupshutupshutup”.

COME AGAIN?

Ah, the soft talkers! It’s a curious phenomenon, isn’t it? While it’s clear that sound is emanating from your mouth – your lips are definitely moving – I find myself struggling to catch even a whisper of what you’re saying. Was it something newsworthy, significant, or valuable?

I could really use a hint here.

C’mon, I know I’m within earshot. I lean in. I turn my head somewhat sideways. I concentrate oh so intently on your moving chops. But that skimpy quantity swiftly dissolves before it has a chance to reach my earhole.

It’s a real workout.

Trying to decipher those muffled messages is a challenge. Did I miss something important? Should I have asked you to speak up? Help.

Better yet … HELP! See how that’s done?

THEN THERE’S DIS

Hey you – shouting from the rooftops and social platforms and cyberspace – your outside voices are spewing so much (SO MUCH) mis and dis.

Are you trying to pull the wool over our eyes? My mindfully listening apparatus is not buying any of it.

The path with which your soundings are intending to reach the inner sanctums of all of our earholes is bristling with hate.

And I can’t with you.

Your misguided, misrepresentations and disinformation are quite the opposite of “music to my ears”.

Turn down that volume. Log off. Your outright distortions are making a mess out of things.

SIMPLY PUT

Lower the volume. Could you please repeat that? SING OUT LOUISE. Keep it to your damn self.

Have some compassion for what goes in one ear. And likewise when it goes out the other.

UGH

I don’t know about you – but MY listening receptors?

ALL POOPED OUT.

~ image via Pinterest