I SAY CHAROSES, YOU SAY CHAROSET

My annual repost and update for Passover:

What could be better than my beloved family (my mishpocheh) gathered ‘round, raising our glasses (again and again and again and yet AGAIN) while re-telling the story of the Exodus from Egypt?

The miraculous journey from slavery to freedom.

What rich memories I have of a whole bunch of us gathered in the dining room… my cousin and me seated at the kiddie table trying desperately not to giggle, my cousin and me trying to get through the Mah nishtanah without bursting into laughter.

And now? My cousin and me still trying to stifle our giggles.

Seated on our tuches, tucheses, tuches’ (not quite sure how to make that plural), taking turns reading through our Haggadah … it seemed to go on forever. And try as we might, one glimpse of my cuz was all it took to set me (us) off. Trying not to laugh, particularly as we got closer to the moment of our four questions ‘duet’, was absolute torture.

We were/are the worst. But we are also the most fun!

And we have great answers to that overarching question – “how is this Passover different from all other Passovers?” (asked over and over again during the Seder).

In 2020 it was abundantly clear how different (hellooo?).

The following year (it had been a year??!) it was impossible to ignore that our Zooming Seder was happening for the second time.

So what was different that time? 

Well, we were seemingly closer to an all-clear for everyone and that was a welcome, wonderful and (as my mom would say) a “marvelous” difference. Right?

Just so you know, it’s my fave holiday… which may sound strange to non-Jews as soon as they hear the who, what, where, when and how.

They get the wine part… particularly once we let it be known that we are “commanded” to drink four glassfuls. However, we leave out the part about it being sweet Manischewitz (we have since upgraded).

But after that – they appear a bit puzzled.

We read from a book called the Haggadah which literally means ‘telling’.

“Wait, you all read books during dinner? Isn’t that kind of rude?”

It absolutely would be, but in this case we take turns reading aloud from that ‘book’. It’s more like a pamphlet or, during Covid years, in our case, a pdf.

And, “what’s for dinner you ask?” Hahahhaha, why that’s very generous of you seeing as the first course is – PARSLEY.

“Parsley. That’s your first course?”

Yup.

“Like a whole plate of just plain old parsley?”

Oh no, no, no, not a plate full – just a sprig – and certainly not plain – we flavor our greenery by dipping it in salt-water cause we are recalling the tears of the ancestors who slaved away from morning until night under the thumb of the horrible Pharoah, who ruled Egypt. Now do you understand why it’s my favorite holiday?

Huh? Still not convinced??!

How about a hardboiled egg floating in a sea of salt-water? Or a lump of fish (gefilte) plopped on a plate – like a meatball devoid of color, oregano, basil, garlic and crushed red pepper. No prob, horseradish fixes that… white or red (red of course!).

Convinced yet?

“Where’s my charoses?” (that’s a looong story and inside joke sure to be brought up year after year).

Trust me when I say you will love the charoset, haroses, haroset, charoises, charoses! It’s a yummy combo of apples and nut … just oozing with sweet WINE. Ha, now I have your attention!

AND there’s even a sandwich!

“Ooooo that sounds good. Like a turkey, pastrami or corned beef deli -sized sandwich on rye?”

Hmmmm … not exactly. It’s more sweet & spicy – with the aforementioned charoses and added horseradish smooshed between two tasteless crackers (matzah). My mouth is watering.” Really.

And what about those plagues? Fun, right?

“Plagues…fun? Ummm, sure???”

We dip and dab, dip and dab, dip and dab our pinkies into our wine glass as we recite, in unison, each of the TEN scourges.

When our children were young our most wonderful hostess (my laugh partner) put together a bag ‘o plagues. A bag hanging on the backs of our chairs filled with representational accoutrements, i.e. sunglasses (darkness), circular stickers we would apply to our faces(boils), cotton balls we toss at one another (hail), plastic insects, cattle, frogs, plastic babies … see how fun we are!?!

And that’s not all. We summon up spirits.

“Oooo, like a séance?”

Kinda, sorta … no not at all.

There is no Ouija board and we only ask for a single spirit … more like a prophet … but this does involve some summoning. We open a door for Elijah, inviting him to our Seder – enticing him with a glass of, you guessed it, wine.

And oh my god, as children, his arrival was evident when we periodically glanced at Elijah’s Cup and noticed the wine dwindling. He was downing that Manischewitz! It was years before we caught my dad in the act. Oh dad…

I can’t forget about the singing. We sing! DAYANU!!

”Is there dancing too?”

Maaaaaybe…

(now that I think about it, perhaps some people just come for the singing and the drinking). Nah.

I know you’ll like this next part. It’s all female empowerment kinda stuff.

“Oh yes, I am woman hear me roar!!”

You got it! We now include Miriam’s Cup, passing her goblet around the table, each adding a splash of water. This serves as a symbol of the legendary and magical source of water for the Israelites as they crossed the desert… all because of Miriam. YOU GO GIRL. (But can she also have some wine?)

Once we finish with the re-telling of the entire saga it is indeed time for dinner. And by dinner I mean

serving/then clearing,

plate after plate after

bowl after bowl after

plate after plate after bowl.

The matzo, the charoses, the egg, the gefilte fish, the matzo ball soup (floaters or sinkers? It’s a most debated topic), brisket-potatoes-chicken … macaroons (not to be confused with the macaron).

And speaking of brisket, everybody has their own variation of the perfect, fall apart, melt in your mouth deliciousness. My mom’s was the best! I have tried to recreate it, I have uploaded, downloaded, copied & pasted, combined recipes, added my own two-cents but have yet to transform that “first cut” into the ideal that was my mom’s.

One year, for Chanukah, my brisket was good (still not like my mom’s). However, after all the tinkering and downloading and cookbook perusing I have no idea what version it was. Waaahhhhh.

Addendum: I finally broke the code to moms’ brisket! Finally.

As with every Jewish holiday, the synopsis is this: They tried to kill us, we survived, let’s eat.

Alan King

Our Passover Seder for Jews and Those Who Love Them

~ title above credited to: “For This We Left Egypt?: A Passover Haggadah for Jews and Those Who Love Them“, by Dave Barry, Alan Zweibel, and Adam Mansbach

As our family has grown and more have been added to the table it has become a wonderfully religiously diverse group… Jewish, Jew-ish, various versions of Christianity, as well as a Catholic Priest. All are welcome to our Seder table. The more the merrier!

Yes, our Seder has had many versions. recasting, reshaping, rearranging, rescheduling. We have been known to pick a date “close enough” to the first night of Passover. We just want everyone to be there. So we work around schedules. Heck, we’ve had Chanukah in January.

And our Haggadah, just like the Seder, has had many revisions, amendments, alterations and complete overhauls. If you are Jewish (and over the age of 60) your family probably used the Maxwell House Haggadah just like we did – it was a freebie. And every year there was a lot of, “what do we do next?” and “how do we do this again?”

Once the hosting of the Seder was dumped upon passed on to my cousin (that same cuz), and we had our own children, she created a Haggadah incorporating the best bits and filled with drawings by my little cousins. With updates over the years.

The year I created a Zoom edition, I assigned parts and reminded everybody (QUIET!!) that only one person can talk (be heard) at a time. And although quite an unrestrained, expressive, talkative group I am proud to say all followed the rules and it went off without a hitch. L’chaim!!

While we lose and gain extraordinary people, those missing are lovingly remembered. And as we retell THE story it’s the retelling of OUR stories that is our most glorious tradition. Lasting memories, rich traditions and loads of laughter.

It’s not meant to be sacrilegious – remember it’s a celebration of freedom! Strength, compassion and innovation! Signs of hope among dark times! And in our retelling, proof of the resilience of human beings! YES!

We ended our Zooming Seders with the following. And although just a jumble of sound came through (as we were all speaking at the same time, i.e. above) and were framed in small squares, we were still all together offering a resounding cry of “let my people go”…

*ALL:   
"Tonight we remember that the things that divide us – race, ethnicity, gender, class, religion, among others – also have the power to unite us.   
  
May our eyes be open to each other’s pain.  
May our ears be open to each other’s cries.  
May we live with greater awareness.  
May we practice greater forgiveness.  
And may we go forward as free people able to respond to ourselves and each other with compassion, wonderment, appreciation and love.     

From slavery to freedom, from despair to joy, from darkness to light, may we sing a new song – hallelujah!"

“I get it now. It all sounds, and I quote, “marvelous.”

This year (2024) may I add the following:

Pray for the hostages and their loved ones. Pray for the victims of horrific terrorism. Pray for the innocents who are victims of war.

My hope is for the day when all people, both Jewish and non-Jewish, live in peace. When violence, antisemitism, and all forms of hate is replaced by curiosity, kindness, understanding and deep love of humanity.

Pray for the peacemakers.

And may I reiterate:

Passover is a celebration of freedom. Strength, compassion and innovation. Signs of hope among dark times. And in our retelling, proof of the resilience of human beings. Amen.

* ALL section credit: HAGGADOT.COM