I had cancer. I was squished, prodded, zapped, poked, sliced and diced.
My first diagnosis was met with varying degrees of shock, fear, pragmatic acceptance and the “oh no you di’int” just tell me that!
My left breast had betrayed me and I was not having it.
Then my thyroid hoodwinked me.
Finally, that left boob let me down – yet again.
I’M NOT GONNA LIE…
EACH TIME the mammogram, ultrasound, scan, or biopsy revealed this unwelcome conclusion – I was terrified. But once my reaction leveled out a bit and I could see my way clear enough to move forward I was surprisingly calm and unexpectedly rational (if not completely accepting).
EACH TIME I had flashes of death being imminent and that I would need to get my sh*t together – meaning all my photos organized, letters of future advice written to my daughters and the recording of a video diary would need to begin…pronto!
EACH TIME I expected to be completely overwhelmed with relentless despair, depression and the ‘why me’s”.
however…
EACH TIME
I was reminded of all that I ought to be grateful for,
EACH TIME
It was clear that the act of denial (within reason) was highly underrated,
EACH TIME
It was only the positives that endured.
AND FINALLY …
After numerous surgeries those doctors got that anesthetic cocktail just right and I awoke refreshed and prepared to be just little old me.
I have walked the 60 miles on the 3-day walk, I monetarily support cancer research and I have heart-to-hearts with those recently diagnosed. I embraced the ‘warrior’ directive while undergoing treatment, but I can’t wrap my brain around the association as a ‘cancer survivor’. It feels like that would forever define me by membership in a club I never intended on joining. There is no judgment here at all. If you, or someone close to you, has been through the anguish of a diagnosis and subsequent treatments, followed by a clean bill of health and that particular part of the warrior vocabulary feels right, by all means embrace it. I just worry about those who haven’t responded well to therapies feeling somehow complicit in ‘losing the battle’. So, identifying as ‘Karen is a cancer survivor’ has never felt comfortable to me.
The following phrase is a bit clunky, but so far I prefer, ‘Karen is a been there, done that cancer achiever’. After all, aren’t we ALL survivors – OF LIFE?
~ image via Pinterest
I love you… pal o’ mine !! You are brilliant, smart, honest, tough, resilient, talented, true blue, funny, witty, pretty, gorgeous, deep, sensitive…. and your outlook and takes on life are refreshing and touching. Write on (pun intended.) xo Tony
Love YOU Tony and so appreciate all your wonderful comments…and your pun!! xoxo
Kar, you slay me. Who knew underneath the many conversations and laughs in high school and beyond that you are such an excellent writer? I didn’t, but then again, nothing about you really surprises me. You are Woman and I hear you ROAR. Lots of love always!
So much love to you…and yes I am roaring!!
I want to have your when I grow up! Xoxo
xoxo!!
You are truly inspiring Karen! Thank you so much for sharing💕
Thank you for reading!
This is so amazing that you Karen could make this such a positive life experience. I sure feel that your positive thinking has been so beneficial in your healing. You rule, you go GURL & sending you lots of positive energy & HUGE love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!🙃
Thanks for all that Eileen – huge love to you!!